Sometimes all it takes is a good run and a good conversation to clear your head. 3 miles in the sunshine was all it took to shed a little light on my situation. Something about heaving breathing, giggling with girlfriends, footfalls on dirt, and cool breezes through the barren trees just makes me feel more alive and vibrant. Nature is always the ultimate reminder that there is always something bigger to consider, even when it seems that the issue at hand is the biggest issue I’ve ever had to surmount.
One of my main problems with leaving #1 school is that I feel it will make me a failure. Which is a wrong way to think, on so many levels. First, I am not a failure if the school was unable to provide me with all that they promised. Second, I am not a failure for wanting to be happy. I will only be twenty-something once in my life, why should I spend it feeling like I’d rather become a hobo than deal with all of the drama that has come packaged with school #1. Living and dealing with school #1 has brought me nothing but misanthropic thoughts, roommate drama, school friend drama, and curriculum drama.
Again, deferring to Kate Northrup’s awesomeness (my thoughts in quotes)
Here’s what I know…
- Doing something for the money never ends up being worth it. (and that’s why I’m at #1 school, is it not? For the potential for more money…)
- If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no. (When I think about school #2, I say hell yes. When I think about school #1, I say well…yeah)
- You are valuable because you exist. Period. (Or, full stop if you’re British.)
- You are enough. You always have been. You always will be.
- Your place of greatest ease and joy will also be your place of greatest service (So, uh, city #2 > city #1)
- It’s okay to sleep for ten hours or more a night from time to time. In fact, it’s critical.
- No accomplishment or moment of recognition will ever replace feeling loved, by yourself or anyone else.
- It’s not going to turn out the way you thought. It will be better.
- You know. You always know. (My guy says “pick school #2!”; my mind says, “don’t be stupid”)
- The fact that it feels good is reason enough to move every day. The fact that it will tone your ass and make your waist smaller are mere side effects.
- Organizing your life around what feels good is the single wisest choice you can make. (So again, school #2 > school #1)
- There is always going to be a small part of you that wants to please your mother, even if you’re not conscious of it, and that’s okay.
- Saying yes to someone simply because you don’t want to disappoint them is not only unfair to you, it’s unfair to them.
- Sleep, water, movement, greens, and a good cry cure almost anything.
- Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of. (Thanks Mom)
- Paying attention to your money is a profound act of self-love.
- It turns out that life is happening right now.
- Loving yourself more is the best place to start to solve any problem.
- You can’t judge and have an open heart at the same time.
- Nothing is random. Everything happens for a reason.
- Your body is wise beyond what you could possibly imagine. Listen to her. She will lead you home every time.
- Home is not a place.
I still have plenty of pondering, weighing, calculating, and meditating to do over this issue. But something at school #1, in city #1 just doesn’t feel *right*. I think my final decision is one giant step closer to being finalized, though…