I haven’t talked about it in a few posts, but I have officially submitted my application to school #2.
This means that all systems are go, it’s just a matter of when…which is stressful but also an entirely different story to tell.
I’ve gotten a lot of questions from my friends and family about *why* I’ve decided to give up something so prestigious, something that I worked so hard for, something that I always dreamed of.
And, to answer them simply, it is because it turns out that my dreams were different all along.
When I conjured up my life plan, I envisioned myself being single until at least 30. I thought I would buy my own condo, live in a big city, be content with rushing around like a madwoman, be 100% independent.
Of course, life plans never stick. I’ve got a wonderful boyfriend and a serious desire to slow down and just enjoy.
Slowing down and enjoying are two things that this city just isn’t good at.
I also tell them that I don’t want to keep saying, “I’ll start living when [enter major life event here].” I want to tell them about the wonderful weekend I had, about all of the new discoveries I’ve made, about how fulfilled I feel.
Honestly, I thought that going to a big, fancy school would make me feel fulfilled. And honestly, it doesn’t. Grad school is supposed to be hard, but it is not supposed to be soul-crushing. I’m not supposed to sit through class wishing I had made a different decision.
Yes, I made the choice to come here. But when expectations aren’t met, I’m not afraid to let people know that. My current school is like a WASP parent…take the complaints, sweep them under the rug, and pretend nothing ever happened.
So I’m ready to move on. I’m ready to find the place where I am happy no matter what I have to do for school or how many patients I have to see the next day. I’m ready to, excuse the cliche, “follow my bliss”.