Yesterday was one of those days.
One of those days where I get home, devour an entire bag of kettle chips in approximately 15 minutes, and get nothing productive done. Followed by doughnut eating, cereal eating, and pasta eating.
I warned myself last week: finals season is upon us. But I somehow did not steel my mind completely against the terrors of constant stress, clinical evaluations, and non-stop studying and ED is rearing its ugly head.
Getting over an eating disorder is not something I talk about on a regular basis. It’s something that I got over, it’s not something that I generally like to re-hash. I’m more of a, “let’s just move on now” kinda gal when it comes to down to that topic.
But sometimes it’s necessary. Not because I’m in danger of a full-on relapse, thank the lucky stars and yoga that I’m not, but because it’s slowly becoming an issue again and I want to crush that bug in its infancy.
In the past, after days like yesterday I’d feel guilty. I wouldn’t exercise and I wouldn’t eat. Basically, I would punish myself for “bad behavior” which, of course, would lead to more of exactly what I was trying to avoid.
Today I tried to pull on my big girl pants. I started off my morning with home fries and a Greek omelet. I spent an hour at hot yoga. I organized my test material so that just searching for notes doesn’t send me into a tizzy. I finished a lab that was weighing on me. I’m making progress and moving forward.
And isn’t that what success is?