Yog-spiration

If I’m being completely honest with myself, which I have been trying to do as of late, I’d have to say that I am one of those people without mouth-filters about 90% of the time.

In most social situations, I am a-okay…I have been mold enough by society and The South to smile and say yes ma’am.

But when I feel an injustice has been done, there is only so much “have a blessed day” I can say through gritted teeth before my head becomes dangerously close to exploding.

And when someone confronts me after I’ve calmly told them that I am too angry to have a rational conversation, it is game over. Then I begin to say words that would horrify my mama.

So tonight, when the roommate from hell began to provoke me with empty threats as I made my way from the front door up the stairs to my bedroom, I wanted to turn around and give her the verbal lashing that I typically would.

But, you know, I am a slowly budding yogini with epic-ly tight calves and hamstrings and a serious fear of all things hand/headstand so I have managed to listen to the instructor’s wisdom through gritted teeth and sweat beads.

My latest learning: Sometimes it’s better to just breathe and stop yourself from sending excess hostility out into the world.

So, as much as I would have liked to told her where to shove it, I oxygenated my brain with the deepest breath I could muster, stood tall, and made it to my bedroom without going all Yolanda on her ass.

Yoga – 1, roommate from hell – 0.

 

It’s Friday, I’m in love: The semester is almoooosssttt over edition

1. Espresso. I recently bought a stove-top espresso maker, which provides me with an endless supply of coffee-crack. ‘Nuff said.

2. Breaks. I’ve only recently discovered that sometimes saying “no” can be better than pushing through utter exhaustion and antipathy for the purpose of resume building. Delicious naps, Hulu watching, and just plain old letting myself off the hook has done wonders for my mental health.

3. Fiona Apple. It’s been a while since I last listened to Ms. Apple on a regular basis but Sun Salutations + a playlist made up of her songs just sends me straight into bliss.

4. This video.

We can’t all be so lucky to have a huge, modern apartment furnished with a naked man in the bed, but watching her flow makes me want to be more graceful. And do yoga in my underwear.

5. It’s Friday. Simple as that. I have a lot to get done over the weekend but the fact that I get to sleep more than 6 hours and have some of my own time is divine.

I’m hot for hot yoga

No, I am not above continually making date jokes about hot yoga.

I am that in love with it. And wish that I could go every. single. day.

I got extra sweaty today and it was just sublime. 105 degree temperatures, twisting, and holding postures apparently suit my personality. Perhaps a Vinyasa girl can truly evolve.

Today we did 2 standing series after the warm-up series, which meant longer holding of poses and repeats of each pose. Which, of course, made me feel the burn and had me reaching up to wipe sweat from my eyes multiple times. My poor thighs don’t know how to feel today.

But again, sublime.

This week has been rough but I felt like it all melted onto my watermelon print beach towel (my sore attempt to seem quirky whilst in class in order to hide my utter broke-ness).

This seems to be a trend.

When I first started doing yoga back in my undergraduate years, it was the only thing I had. Sad, I know. I had just stopped running cross-country and was attempting to rehabilitate from good ‘ole ED. This could be a pity story if it weren’t for the fact that yoga is what kept me going.

And then I got better. And then I stopped practicing on a regular basis.

It seems that I only dust off my trusty mat when the road gets bumpy, which I suppose is fine. Stepping on the squishy rubber is comforting, like wearing a worn out old t-shirt.

So branching out and trying hot yoga was hard for me. It meant venturing out to a studio, looking at myself during a mirror, and completely stepping out of my comfort zone. And I have to tell you, getting out of my “box” is the most itchy, twitchy feeling for me.

But I’m getting more comfortable with the discomfort. It almost feels kind of good. Especially in 105 degree rooms.

Today is brought to you by the letter E

E for Espresso, that is.

It’s that time in the semester when, no matter how many hours I sleep and no matter how many cups of coffee I drink, I still end up feeling exhausted. I can blame that on horrific seasonal allergies, having 5000 assignments to complete, and just general holycrapfinalsarecoming stress.

But it’s okay because a) I get to take delicious afternoon naps, b) there is only one week of class left and c) see below!!!

…I have accomplished the biggest goal on my April goals for this week: I figured out where I will be living in 3 weeks. Well, alright, it’s truly more like 4 weeks now that I have an actual moving day set.

Basically, I got tired of waiting for someone to give me the go-ahead and made a unilateral decision to just pack up and move 3 hours away to attend school #2. I had already been guaranteed fall enrollment so I figured either I’d be able to swing signing up for summer classes somehow or I’d just get a job. I knew that either way, things would work out.

I never used to be able to place my faith in the universe like that but when it comes down to it, I’m okay with a little uncertainty as long as it’s moving me in the right direction. And, in this case, the right direction just happens to be 200 miles east.

Sometimes life needs some leaps of faith. And a lot of espresso.

My life in 1 year

In 1 year, I am happier than I have ever been. I’ve made some tough decisions and looked long and hard at what direction my life is headed in and I am finally content. School is still hard and life still has its challenges, but I am finally in a mental space that allows me to tackle every new obstacle head on.

I am living in my dream city. I’ve joined the food co-operative, visit the farmer’s market on Saturdays, and enjoy all of the wonderful opportunities that the community offers. Hiking is only a short drive away and the Boy and I take full advantage of that every chance we get.

The Boy and I have gotten engaged and are in the process of setting a wedding date and planning our big day. We are enjoying engaged life and have gotten our own kitten. We each still have our own apartments but spend as much time together as possible, studying and cooking dinner and just generally lazing around.   Dinners out are treats and we’ve found some couple friends to go out on the town with.

My apartment is a cozy sanctuary. I have a space for my yoga mat, unique furniture, and have spent time and effort to make 800 square feet feel as home-y as possible. I enjoy DIY crafts and have put in as many personal touches as possible so that coming home in the evening is a joy, not a dread.

I am only 2 years away from graduation and loving every second of it. My doctoral project is coming along, my clinical rotations are sometimes annoying but always fulfilling, and classes are stressful in the best way possible. I am grateful for the chance I had to relocate and return to a school where I feel appreciated and respected.

Healthiness is still a huge focal point in my life. I practice yoga regularly at a local studio and am beginning to think of possibly doing teacher training. I am also running on a regular basis and am planning to run another half marathon or two and am looking to maybe beginning branching out into trail races. I spend as much time outdoors walking, running, and biking as possible and relegate myself to the gym only when it is rainy or too cold. I’ve also invested in a cycling trainer.

In 1 year, I am feeling unabashedly happy and exuberant and am loving life. When something feels wrong, I take steps to fix it. When something feels uncomfortable, I assess whether it is because I am outside of my comfort zone or the situation is truly not right for me. I am taking steps to keep pushing my own physical and mental boundaries and making sure to take care of myself so that I can better help others. Oh, and I have also paid off my credit card bill…

 

April goals: Week of April 9

So, I’m *ahem* a few days late but I wanted to take some time to really mull over what I want to get accomplished this month.

1. Drink more water (at least 3 of my 2-cup water bottles a day) Dehydration leads to feeling sleeping which leads to being cranky which leads to poor and irrational decisions. Yeah, not so much what I need right now.

2. At least 15 minutes of yoga at least 5 days a week. Preferably more. To keep me sane and flexible.

3. Figure out where I’ll be living in ~3 weeks. I know that every tiny detail will not be ironed out but I would, at the very least, like to have knowledge of which city will be my home.

4. Clean my room. To be blunt, it is a pig sty. Since I’m going to be moving out of my current apartment in May no matter what, it’d help if I didn’t have to wade through all of the junk that has accumulated.

5. Make a one year plan, Lululemon style. Obviously life doesn’t always follow a plan, but having a good idea of what type of life I’m striving for is a logical step toward ensuring that I don’t end up feeling backed into a corner yet again.

Why I’m moving on.

I haven’t talked about it in a few posts, but I have officially submitted my application to school #2.

This means that all systems are go, it’s just a matter of when…which is stressful but also an entirely different story to tell.

I’ve gotten a lot of questions from my friends and family about *why* I’ve decided to give up something so prestigious, something that I worked so hard for, something that I always dreamed of.

And, to answer them simply, it is because it turns out that my dreams were different all along.

When I conjured up my life plan, I envisioned myself being single until at least 30. I thought I would buy my own condo, live in a big city, be content with rushing around like a madwoman, be 100% independent.

Of course, life plans never stick. I’ve got a wonderful boyfriend and a serious desire to slow down and just enjoy.

Slowing down and enjoying are two things that this city just isn’t good at.

I also tell them that I don’t want to keep saying, “I’ll start living when [enter major life event here].” I want to tell them about the wonderful weekend I had, about all of the new discoveries I’ve made, about how fulfilled I feel.

Honestly, I thought that going to a big, fancy school would make me feel fulfilled. And honestly, it doesn’t. Grad school is supposed to be hard, but it is not supposed to be soul-crushing. I’m not supposed to sit through class wishing I had made a different decision.

Yes, I made the choice to come here. But when expectations aren’t met, I’m not afraid to let people know that. My current school is like a WASP parent…take the complaints, sweep them under the rug, and pretend nothing ever happened.

So I’m ready to move on. I’m ready to find the place where I am happy no matter what I have to do for school or how many patients I have to see the next day. I’m ready to, excuse the cliche, “follow my bliss”.

Hot date

Hot yoga was a complete and utter success.

To say that I’m sore today would be a little bit of an understatement…as a lapsed Vinyasa girl, I was not accustomed to holding the poses for maybe 10-15 seconds. So one minute of chair…yeah, that burned. In the best possible “suck it, stress” way.

For the rest of the day, I was floating around on a yoga buzz.

The class itself was fabulous, but the staff had drop-dead gorgeous personalities and were so completely willing to embrace newbies, I was floored. After a couple of rough weeks, it nearly brought me to tears to be welcomed like family by someone that I had never met in my entire life.

Anywho, I will definitely be going back. If not for the physical benefits, for the mental benefits. It was nice to walk around for an afternoon *without* feeling like any wrong move could just send me into breakdown mode. Yeaaah, I’d say that’s even better than a glowing complexion and rock-hard abs.

My room is messy

It looks like a tornado opened my closet and proceeded to try on every piece of warm weather clothing that I own.

When my space gets this messy it usually means one of two things: 1) I’m uber busy and exhausted or 2) I’m a stressed out mess and the state of my room reflects my mental state at the moment.

Yep, you guessed it. This time it’s #2.

To put it simply, I literally don’t know where I’m going to be living in three weeks. I might be in my current apartment, I might be in my newly lease apartment, I might be in a completely different city.

There’s just no way of knowing.

The above + insane amounts of school work + general life pressures means I’m feelin’ the crunch.

Honestly, it’s kind of exhilarating. But at the same time it’s just plain ‘ole exhausting and I’m ready to know which way is up.

Anywho…

In approximately 3 hours, I will be attempting my first hot yoga class. That also terrifies me because I’m a) a profuse sweater b) I haven’t taken a real yoga class since August and c) it’s at a new studio where I had my fail last week (however I emailed said studio about my debacle and was met with only friendliness and welcoming words…so, uh, already better than my last studio).

But insecurity can shove it. Things might be completely disheveled now but that means I’m living. Right? Right…

Does anyone have any hot yoga tips? 

Saaaattuuuurrrdaaaay

Today is shaping up to be a pretty decent Saturday. A bit more decent than I expected at bedtime last night. I have a bona fide smile on my face.

Why, you ask?

Well…let me tell you the ways in which my life is happy today.

1. I finally found a temporary 1 bedroom apartment. This means no more crazy roommates, no more fighting over parking spaces, no more paying for cable but not getting to use the TV, no more thermostat wars, no more having to worry about anything but me, myself, and I. And it comes with a talkative kitty that I can babysit for the summer. Tell me how it can get better than that. That’s right…it can’t…

2. I ran a little under 4 miles in sticky pre-summer weather and didn’t have to stop and walk a million times. And I only felt like my lungs would jump out of my chest once. Much, much different from my last pre-summer run, where I was lucky to run for ten minutes straight before having to stop and walk and gasp for breathe. Take that humidity. You may make my hair look like a ‘fro but you shall not defeat me.

3. Two words: asiago bagel. Oh, and new acai berry iced tea. Panera, how I love thee.

4. I’m road-trippin’ it tomorrow. Granted, it’s just so I can talk to some old professors at school #2, but it means eating at all of my favorite restaurants, running in a much more running friendly city, and being in a place where I feel completely at home…if only for a day and a half.

5. I’m caught up-ish on my school work. That needs to explanation of awesomeness in my book.

6. (a bonus!) After two straight days of yoga, my arms are ridiculously sore. But, dare I say it, I’m starting to build some upper arm strength. Gasp.